vrijdag 4 september 2015

wiggely wig

 so just after i wrote the previous post with the quesiont 'would you ever dye your hair a pastel color?'
i recieved this lovely wig from Newdress!
so this is what i would look like with a pastel color hair.
i just love wigs, and hilde and i want to go undercover to the bar we always hang out, with wigs and different kind of clothes, and see if people notice it's us. i am grinning just writing about it. but most likely it would be pretty obvious its us hahah.
 i wore it in front of our dog wobbe, and she barked at me.
ronja and melle were a little smarter.
anyway, direct link to the wig

woensdag 2 september 2015


would you ever dye your hair a pastel color?
i recently took a chance to see what i'd look like with white-ish hair, using photoshop hahah
but then i realised it wouldn't look too good, and that i am very attached to my red hair
and to get it any pastel color i would have to bleach my hair. which would kill it.
so, nope.

what are your plans and wishes for the future?
i try not to think or plan too much for the future.
it relies on my body how much i would be able to do.

have you ever thought about being a youtuber?
hah i actually have, because it's been requested some times already
but really, i'm a terrible speaker, i get so uncomfortable.
and what on earth would i talk about!

how did you meet Hans?
we met at first class of highschool! i remember seeing her and thinking she looked so cool hahah
within days we pulled towards eachother, and became friends.
and have been ever since!
hans and me at age 14 (?)

what is your favourite band?
i never really have one favourite band, but there are ones i listen to more than others
for example i am very fond of Alt J, Sara Schiralli, CW Stoneking, Stromae and First Aid Kit

how did you get your haircolor?
allrighty, once and for all.
my hair is naturally dark brown, i never bleached my hair
at first i used Guhl, copper red (left)
and let it bleach by the sun (red dye easily bleaches)
a few years later i started to dye my hair with Henna plus, red (right)
eventually mixing it with Henna plus, super red 

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
it might sound a little cheesy, but i would live where i live right now.
i have never felt so at home as i do in this city.
i love my home, the friends nearby me, my parents.
however, since a short while i have been thinking of moving to one of the dutch islands
not for long, just a few months. but that's something for the future maybe.

how much money do you spend on your wardrobe?
very little! as i have a lot of sponsored clothes, and the rest is pretty much always thrifted.
and then i'd never pay more than 10 euros for an item.
Deventer has a huge amount of thriftshops and secondhand clothing stores
so i find almost something good every week!

what kind of shoes would you néver wear?
these kind of shoes. i hate the pointy nose, and they seem extremely uncomfortable.

i don't know if it's invasive, but i wanted to know if your problems with weight ended completely or partially?
it's not invasive, it's just a tricky subject, but it seems to help some people with similar problems, so i think it's a good thing to share.
i would say partially, as in it doesn't effect me the way it used to
i have reached a healthy weight, and have been able to contain it for the past 3 years
i can go out for dinner, eat with friends, make myself dinner.
when you meet me, i don't think it even shows in my behaviour anymore.
 unless you know me well.
because even though i have made a lot of progress, it's still always around.
i still have bad days, weeks, or months, 
in which i struggle with conflicts between my healthy and unhealthy mind. 
after a bad day, in which i cannot push my unhealthy self down, i find myself laying in bed at night
planning all kinds of things to lose weight again, promising i will do 'better' tomorrow.
and when i wake up again, i talk some sense into myself.
because i know by now what it means to lose weight.
i know i won't feel skinny, i'd feel even fatter.
i know it's not even about the weight.
i know it consumes time, i would eventually have to gain it all back
in order to live the life i lead now, i need my healthy weight.
i think about ronja and melle, and how i can't take care of them when i'm in a clinic.
i think about my parents, about how much it would hurt them to see me slide back again.
about my friends, that i would lose. 
because with eating disorders, there's no room for anything else than the eatingdisorder itself.
then i sigh, push my unhealthy self down, making room for my healthy self.
i make breakfast.

what is your favourite place to go to when you are sad?
the Ijssel river.
the water, the wide open space, wind through my hair and head,
clearing all negative thoughts.
it's a place that calms my mind. 

how much of your clothes are thrifted vs bought new?
i'd say 70% thrifted vs 30% bought new

are you bisexual?
i've never fallen in love with a girl, but wouldn't say i never would.

what is your biggest wish?
that all the people and animals i love will lead a happy healthy life.

who was the last person to make a change in your life, except yourself?
i think that would be Laila and Hilde!
my friends here in Deventer.
they have just made me so happy ever since i've known them.

is the netherlands a nice place to live?
i think it is! it's a very free country, with lots of different cultures
the health care is incredibly well, i always realise that if i'd live in america for example, i'd probably
just sit home and stare my days away, because it's that much more expensive there.
the weather however is not the best hah. lot's of rain.
and people from the netherlands are very direct!
which i love, because i am too.

what is your favourite beer?
brand zwaar blond!
but i'd rather drink red wine.

how did you get '' internet famous ' '?
i remember when posting something on Hyves (kind of the dutch Myspace)
and getting a comment that i should really start do Lookbook.nu
at the time it was still invite only, and eventually i got an invite
through there people asked me if i could start a blog, and upload more pictures
and from then on it just kinda snowballed into getting 'internet famous' 
my first lookbook shot.

if there are some questions i have not answered in this post
then its because i have answered them in my previous Q&A post
click here to see it

and if this is something you enjoy reading on my blog
i'd be happy to do it more often

maandag 17 augustus 2015

spring dress, autumn weather

my new great dress from romwe
click HERE for direct link
the fabric is really great and natural
so this is absolutely a new favourite
although i can not really wear it lately
it's been raining for days now, and i am starting to feel autumny
hah if thats even a word
so i just ordered sims 3 for the xbox, cuddeling up with a freshly made smoothie
(got a new blender, and making a pure fruit smoothie everyday now!)
my favourite now is still orangejuice with bananas and strawberries.
if you got a nice smoothie recipe, feel free to share!

woensdag 12 augustus 2015

Totally Spies

everyday i'm walking there with ronja i just realise how lucky i am
to live near such a beautiful river.
some days ago Laila, Hilde and i went to the Ijssel to have dinner
most of it just got sandy because of ronja, and a huge dog that walked by
but it was really lovely
eventually we got a little tipsy and took some fun shots
finding out that Laila was great at looking sarcasticly sexy on pictures
and pretended to be Sam Clover and Alex from Totally Spies
because of our haircolors.
and these things always sound better in my head hahah.
now i am sitting in my pyama's, wobbe is staying over again
and my home is full of animals.
and i just feel lucky, blessed and so happy.

sweet dreams dear readers, sorry for the messy and maybe not-making-sense-post
i'm just really tired

donderdag 23 juli 2015

goosebumps and bruises

he had pretty eyes
she saw when he was dead
and his eyes lay staring
in the back of his head

i took these pictures yesterday while meeting up with hans
it was lovely to see her again, especially now that we don't meet that often anymore
as we both have our own lives in different cities.
we had dinner together and talked about so many things 
my head is full of inspiration, my thoughts wander
but most of all, now i am tired and satisfied
it's pyama time.

woensdag 8 juli 2015

just talk

my latest look
wearing my favourite thrifted shoes, that i lost in a train last week
what a bummer. 
rest is ofcourse thrifted as well. i actually only spend 7 euros on this whole outfit hah.
always makes me smile a little when i see people wearing 40$ brand t-shirt.
 and besides, i like wearing old people's clothes.
i actually like old people.
some time ago i was walking through the park with ronja
and a sweet old man with watery eyes told me how lovely ronja looked
maybe it was because i had just burried my own grandfather that last saturday
or maybe because he seemed like he wanted a chat, 
so i asked him if it would be okay if i would walk with him
we were going the same direction anyway, and he said sure.
he told me he was 87 and still walked three times a day, to keep him fit
which i think is really admirable.
he had even fought in the war in indonesia, and told me about his life.
at some point he mentioned his granddaughter could no longer clean his house for him
and he was looking for someone to clean his house once a week
so, i offered to do so
he grabbed my hands and looked me in my eyes
"really? would you do that for me?"

so yesterday was my second time cleaning
he is a really sweet and smart man with lovely stories
and chickens in his backyard, which he gave me eggs from

always talk to strangers!
they're only strangers until you get to know them.

woensdag 17 juni 2015

Orange is the new Black

pictures by Maaike de Jager

you might have noticed a tiny big change on my blog!
i am absolutely in love with it, so i am proud to announce to you my new blogheader
made by the very talented illustrator Maia Fjord, who also did my previous header
hasn't she improved incredibly? her website is really worth watching, she makes fine work(:

i am watching the new season of Orange is the new black, 
which is by the way really worth watching
if you aren't already.
it somehows very much reminds me of clinic-life. 
except we had much better conditions in the clinics.
they portait the very strange life of being in a place, locked away from society, so well.
how life outside will ruthlessly go on, how people will move on with their lives without you
how you stand still, while the whole world keeps on spinning.
 and maybe most of all, how it is almost impossible to jump back into that spinning world
without breaking a leg.
i've been back for four years now
and i still find it hard to keep up sometimes.

not sure if this is too depressing, but it has been on my mind lately
to make it a little less depressing, a few good things;

-i've got an old mp3-player from my sis, full of songs that i listened 5 years ago
it's like going back in time and i love it.
- i have a lot of plants and flowers in my home, and i have only killed one so far.
- i've watched the last episode of GoT with friends and it was awesome, go arya
 - Melle has started climbing my stairs.

woensdag 27 mei 2015

i've got a secret, can you keep it?

i can see her at night, and at night only
she wears her pointy elbows and her secrets close to her body
digging her way through a crowd that only she can see
her strange grin revealing her croocked teeth make people flee
she doesn't wear a shadow because she walks at night
if you see her
hold your secrets tight

zaterdag 9 mei 2015

chatter and surprise

pictures by Maaike de Jager

it's slightly before 10 in the evening, i put on my jacket,
kiss ronja and melle goodbye and walk out of the door
within hundred feet i enter the centrum of the city
i walk into a cloud of chatter and laughing
tiny lights in the trees surrounding the café's on the square
exactly when i'm in the middle of everything around me, the church strikes ten times
i feel blessed and bliss. surprised and thankful
that i am where i am, and that i have come this far.
i'm 23.

zondag 26 april 2015

hey it's dark on the middle of the day

velvet black leggings - romwe
sweater - second hand

today while walking around, looking for a new location to shoot
Maaike de Jager and i found this awesome wall
i'm wearing my new leggings from romwe, which is probably my favourite,
and a few days ago i thrifted this comfy sweater at a new clothes-thrift shop nearby my home.
they sell everything for just one euro each, and i've gotten many great things from there.
anyway, look at that nice round face of Rico the cat.
and visit Maaike's awesome blog. because she shot these lovely pictures.

donderdag 2 april 2015

a rainy week

it has been a rainy spring week
its more like autumn, with the wind playing with the tree's like leaves
in one hour we have had rain, sun, wind and storm.
the walks with ronja are cold but exciting
i listen to cw stoneking while watching her chasing leaves and kids
at night in bed i listen to the rain playing music on the roof

zaterdag 7 maart 2015

Addy van den Krommenacker Pop-up Store

some pictures from the opening of the pop-up store
from Addy van den Krommenacker, where Rein and I went to.
as you can see from the pictures it was quite a feminine and classy collection!
and ofcourse i look utterly uncomfortable on the last shot with Addy hahah
rein and i looked quite a bit misplaced between all the fancy people
but we made it through.
although, when a lady asked me 'from whom i was'
i heared myself answering; 'i'm from me!'
so. gotta work on advertising myself.

dinsdag 3 maart 2015

the night watch' thoughts

today me and Rein went to the opening of the pup-up store from Addy van den Krommenacker
(pictures from that day any soon here)
it was fancy, strange and pretty, the collection was very feminine.
 and even though it was all that
(and it was lovely to experience something like it)
i haven't felt that misplaced in years.
 don't take me wrong, it's not in a negative way
i believe it's good to put yourself outside of your comfort zone
but i wonder if i would ever truely fit inside the 'fashion scene'.
i am not great at advertising myself, which is something nessecary i believe.
but then, i am honest.
i won't pretend i am something i am not.
people might dislike my honesty from time to time
it's something i am often thinking about lately. 
i once read a book of Sophie Kinsella in which a writer ended up exposing
all the main characters' secrets through a character based on her in his book.
and at first she was embaressed and ashamed, but at some point he asked her why it was so bad
that people would know the actual truth about her.
and it made me think about why i would try to pretend something different, more or better than i am
i see so many people around me pretending to be someone they are not
that it makes me even more convinced that i will keep trying to be myself.
these are my night's watch thoughts.
i hope you have enjoyed them.
sleep tight, and dont let the bedbugs bite.

zaterdag 28 februari 2015

the waking walk

hahah, just look at that last picture of little bear ronja
that cheeky little face and those floppy ears, this picture just shows exactly how she is;
one happy, curious, cheeky, funny and enthousiastic!
a morning walk with her is the only thing that truely wakes me up after a night of strange dreams
in which i don't know weather i am actually sleeping or awake.

on monday me and rein are going to the opening of the pop-up store 
from Addy van den Krommenacker!
 i have been invited, and normally i don't go to anything i am invited to
because i don't feel like i actually know that much about 'fashion'
yet i do know Addy's work, and i actually love it.
so i'm pretty excited, and i'll be sure to take photo's over there
so i can show you what it was like (: